The beauty of nonsense

The older I get- the less nonsense that occurs in my life.

I haven't gone to the grocery store and bought 5 pounds of hamburger meat and a loaf of bread to make a massive hamburger in years. I haven't put on funk music and danced around a trash can in a while either. I didn't even drive out to a friends house this halloween to steal a pumpkin...sigh.

My life is now linear- do this for that. While reflecting recently about my friend who has passed, I realized that we had our most memorable times while carrying out nonsense. He had asked me to work with him on a farm during the weekends, I had already had a job and wasn't terribly farm savvy, but I decided to do it. It made no sense at the time, but I was 17. Lots of things I did made no sense.

I would wake up early after working my other job the night prior and go pick up my friend for our days chores. We would pull cat tails out of the pond,  re-gravel the driveway, pull weeds from the garden, cut the acres of lawn, and we even put up some vine posts for a vineyard they were going to be start. The work was rewarding, but the fun we had kept me coming back every weekend. It was in those times of nonsense when my friend would chase me with the "gator" 4 wheeler, or hide my lunch in the tool shed, or try to get me to fight another co-worker at the farm that I got to know my friend so much better.

My point is that we should all keep doing nonsense, stay young. My 17 year old brain made a decision that might not have made sense at the time- but it certainly does now. Times of nonsense are where you will form your best memories and truly connect with people. Let your guard down, don't take yourself too seriously, "acuna matatta".

Why I like running- and why you can too.

Why I like running- And why you can too.

I like running because its the best therapy for the price, the gym with the best hours, and the adventure thats nearest my door.

In a modern age where "connections" are how many people are able to view your social or business networking profile, and food comes from a grocery store, and writing a paper means sitting at a computer and typing out paragraphs while surfing the web for legitimate (or so you hope) references- we all feel a little removed from the reality of what it is that we are really doing.

Running is different. The connection is primal. Your feet. The ground. Boom.

Sure the surfaces and shoes have changed over time but your missing the point!

You go from a warm bed, to a climate controlled car, to a school or office with lights, and your body is at ease. Its comfortable. This amazing gift that has evolved over millions of years just exists, in pleasure.

While running you leave the world of complete control and enter into chaos. If your in a park, a beautiful natural chaos. Turn off your music player and just soak in the moment, absorb all the sensations taking place. Your body is no longer at ease- its in full flight.

Don't forget to pack with you your frustrations and anxiety. Bring them, and then let them go. I can say I have never solved a problem while running, but I can come to accept things that I cannot change while running.

Some people run as fast as they can, some jog, and some walk. But I truly believe that when they return from their daily adventure- they are glad they went. :)


So lace up- and don't ever run somebody else's race

The fine line between "Today's the day!" and "Not today"

I have the incredible skill of talking myself out of almost anything. When your semi creative, you tend to use your talent to create elaborate excuses for not doing things. Its unfortunate.

While talking to an extremely negative person today I noticed that my own psyche started to gravitate towards theirs. "This is so hard/unfair/wrong/unjust" and "Who has the time/who cares/etc" were coming out left and right!

Thank God I noticed.

The fine line between saying, "todays the day I make a commitment towards something bigger" or saying, "I quit/won't start something new" is incredibly thin. So thin- that I don't even think it exists. 

Listen to a positive person, a person with a plan and some passion. Make a commitment, take a chance. Tell that person you care about that you do. Sign up for that talent show. Apply to that job you want but don't think your qualified for. Because you know what? As lame as it may sound- you always miss 100% of the shots you never take. And if Michael Jordan didn't take that last shot (dunk with an elongated arm) in Space Jam- well he'd be in basketball slavery out in space.

Turned out OK for him. Carpe Diem. And Just. Keep. Swimming. 

PS- I talked myself out of writing this post because I have an exam this week. SO glad I ignored myself. 

Letting go of Santa Claus

Fantasy is something that brings a great deal of joy to many- young and old. It can bring hope to those without it, but it can also keep many from facing reality.

Use it with caution, and in a video game obsessed world that makes it easy to control other peoples actions realize that this is not real- or right.

So, I challenge you. Take that fantasy in the back of your mind and lay it out. Is it feasible? Are you working for it? Must you manipulate people in order for this to happen? Does it account for others feelings and desires?

Your fantasy might be a near by reality, or it may be a scheme that disregards others free will. But you need to really look it. And nine times out of ten, you need to forget about it. Life is much more exciting and invigorating when you let life happen.

As a 11 year old I listed reason after reason as to why Santa Claus existed. I couldn't let go. He had been too good to me. I had been selfishly satisfied and figured others felt the same way. I learned the truth while my mom was teaching my religion class- and I learned how painful Christmas can be for others when volunteering at a soup kitchen a few years later.

I let go of that fantasy, and I liked Christmas much more as a result. Its not easy to do, but you will be a better person for it.

take care

The price of pain

Hello all- just following up on my last post themed, "stop pretending". One of the hardest things that I have had to accept in the recent past is that my role in another persons life may not always be what I had wanted. I cannot be every persons older sibling, or supportive friend- in fact in some cases I am just a familiar face at work that may never have any major impact in a persons life.

But thats okay, embracing our roles and being the best we can in those roles is what we are asked to do as humans. In the case of my recently deceased friend, I wish dearly that I could have been more of a positive influence in his life- but I am now forced to take the role that I am handed. In my attempts to help add to his legacy I have decided to run an "ultra" race- which has brought me great closure, comfort, but most of all pain.

Pain is a funny thing. Some boast that pain is, "weakness leaving the body", but I am not sure that is true of all pain. You see the physical pain of running for six hours is nothing in comparison to the long lasting pain of losing a loved one, never achieving a life long goal, or being lonely. No, while the physical pain of running tells us, "you can't do it, you hurt too much" emotional pain tells us, "you have to do it, i'm sorry that it hurts so much".

When I have lunch with my grandfather and he reminisces about all the wonderful times he had with my grandma- I can't help but notice his struggle to fight back tears. Why do these horrible things happen, and why must we be burdened with this intense emotional grief?

Because that is the price of love. To love someone means that you make yourself vulnerable- for better or for worse. Some people don't love, and thus aren't ever hurt- but I wouldn't recommend that.

This week I will honor a friend who reached out to me at a young age when I was changing schools and in the difficult phase of reacclimatizing. We played magic cards, had bonfires, went to dances together, and sat together at the same lunch table. Despite the fact that these memories are hard remember- I hope that I never forget.

Rest in peace, and I hope to see you once again.

Hello all,

My last experiment of reducing music in my life was poorly executed. The first couple days went well, but I broke down. I love music and sound too much that it crept back into my life one car ride, run, or lonely moment at work at a time. But the reduction did make me notice my need for sound and noise more than I ever had. 

And then a tragedy occurred. A friend from grammar school left us unexpectedly. Music was a must, and it was Dave Matthews Band that frequented my headphones for days. I hadn't particularly cared for them in High School but it was actually therapeutic. Soulful and mysterious. Different from what I was used to. And it made me remember my friend, and how much I teased him about this music. 

My next experiment is inspired from a post I saw on the Fast, Pray, Give lenten calendar. It read, "fast from pretending things that some things are okay". It hits me now. Its makes me feel hollow when I look back at how many painful situations in my life I let ferment with no attempt to change. So these next few weeks I am fasting from pretending. I will find a situation that is troubling me and be proactive, not with the mentally that I can change anything but that I can have closure. 

This quote came to me attached to an email that I received from craigslist. 

Take care and good luck

"The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing." - Albert Einstein

Back to the Blog: Where I have been the last 2 years + social experiment

hello electronic diary that I haven't used in the last two years- let me catch you up to speed.

1. I graduated college with a bachelors degree.

2. I have two jobs at local hospitals.

3. I was recently accepted into Physicians Assistant school: the greatest accomplishment of my small and inconsequential life.


All three things make me happy. It took me 2 years to put the finger on where I wanted to be- but I have arrived. Hallelujah. To all who helped me reach my decision, much thanks. To all who believed in me on my long and taxing journey through late nights of work and early mornings of school- you rock.

But despite all the excitement, joy, and anticipation that awaits me- there has been an uneasiness within me. I had a recent encounter at work where I heard someone say something negative about me, it was in passing and the person had not intended for it to be heard by me. It bothered me and I handled it like a 5 year old girl (you can draw your own conclusions on what happened). But this leads me to the weeks social experiment.

Get rid of the noise. My life is consumed in iPods, television, car radio, people talking, podcasts, instruments, dish washers, furnaces etc. I choose to put on pleasing music or interesting radio shows to escape the real sounds around me- and maybe thats why I am so sensitive when I hear what is real. The next week I am going to commit to no radio in the car and no Ipod when I run. I will use my me time to listen to the sounds around me. Maybe I will become less self conflicted, or maybe I will just appreciate deliberate sounds more when the week ends.

Either way- its the willingness and desire to change something that is getting me to act- hopefully you'll follow suit in some capacity!

hear whats real- listen to yourself- listen with yourself

peace

Bonocon